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Dear Perfect Parent,

25 Apr

Or shall I say, to the parents I see out and about staring at me, sometimes pointing,  and piercing me with their eyes while my child is having a moment.

I see your eye rolls.  I see your glares.

I see you mouth the variety of statements from the following choices of:

“she has no control over her child”
“my child never acted like that”
or my favorite
“she needs to give him a good spanking”

Yep. I see it all right along with my fellow parents of children  deemed “different” “special” or “misbehaved”.

We see everything. But what is sad is, that you don’t.

You don’t see how desperately we want our children to be on their best behavior.
You don’t see how we want them to enjoy the same activities that your children do.
You don’t see the constant appointments that turn into disappointments, the desire to do what’s best for your child but at times not knowing what that is or even means, and you don’t see the pain that YOU cause, by  your actions.

I can’t tell you how many times YOUR actions have caused me to second guess mine.
How I have sat at a table holding my child with severe anxiety in my hands and tears rolling down my face because at times I don’t know what to do or  how to keep the world from spinning around me in slow motion, to only look at you staring across the way, judging me.

I try to be strong, I need to be strong, for my child, but your judgement, your ridicule, your disgusting lack of respect for my child and situation, make a difficult situation even worse at times. When you have a child that is already labeled “different” and reacts to life on edge at times, you simply want to crawl in a hole somewhere, and there you are, ready to throw dirt on top and bury me.

Perfect parents, I’m sorry my child is keeping you from enjoying your perfect little world. Perfect teachers, I’m sorry my child doesn’t learn the way you teach. Perfect family members & friends, I’m sorry the way I’m raising my child doesn’t line up with what you all did “back in the day”.

I’m raising my child, I’m loving him, and I’m fighting for him along with a large majority of parents out there still learning how to find the right resources for their children and fight for their needs. At times, all I can do is pray because I’m trying so hard to “love like Jesus” when your actions make me want to go off on you in public and say things which Jesus would definitely not approve of. But I leave you with this-

When you see a child having a moment in public, think long and hard about how you respond. Before judging them, before putting them in categories, and deeming  my parenting “unfit” in your eyes, just stop and think- there’s a chance it couldn’t be what you think. The child having a moment could be struggling with a disorder, disability, etc.
Everything can’t be seen with the naked eye.

To those people who are supportive- I’m not talking to you. I love you. I thank you. You give the “high fives” when moments are rough.

To my fellow mamas and papas of these special children God has blessed you with, don’t lose hope. I get it. I know it’s tough and people are mean. But we can do this. God gave us these awesome children for a reason.

Until Next Time, Much Love

SPD MOM- Steph

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Expect More

5 Aug

Hello Friends!

I have to tell you about a very interesting conversation I had recently.

A lovely young lady asked me what it was like being young and married. I politely explained to her that it has its ups and downs like most things in life, but it’s what you make it.She proceeded to tell me that SEVERAL people had advised her to get even closer to her man, she should move in with him, and even, well, let me put it in her words,”test drive the car before you buy it”.I assured her while her friends may have had her best interest at heart, I could not recommend the same.

Let me take you down a stroll on memory lane.

I remember in 2008 when I truly knew that J was the one for me.
He was everything I never wanted but all that I needed wrapped up into one amazing man.

US in 2006

In my opinion, we fell for each other early on even though we were both hesitant. It was in 2009 when he proposed (such a cute story Ill have to tell you about later)
Anyhow, I was encouraged by my peers to move in with him as well when we became serious.

“What if it doesn’t work out?”, some said.

“You don’t even know what it’s like really being with him yet”, others chimed in since we had been doing this long distance thing forever.

My future hubby to be even mentioned it a few times, and the thought of it all was driving me insane.

“They are right”, I thought.

I even started thinking he may change his mind about marrying me since we did do this long distance thing forever.
After pondering it over and over again and praying about it, I just couldn’t do it.

It went against everything I believed in and the thought of me moving there before we were married, well it made me sick , even gave me headaches.

I broke the news to my “now” husband. He hesitantly was like, “well, ok”.

Now here we are, after 4 years of dating long distance, and almost 4 years of marriage, with the cutest lil man ever.

Some people are probably thinking okay Mrs.SPJ, what’s your point?

My point is, I stood by what I believed in and more than anything, I feel like my expectations, led me to more.

Just as the young woman I was having the conversation with.

I told her, to follow her heart.

In my mind, you don’t need to test drive a “man” or move in with him to see if it will work.
You put your faith in God that he will make a way and that in itself will make it work.

When you expect more, you get more.

I truly believe that is with anything.

Someone once asked me, what if my he (my husband) would have said, well then I can’t do this relationship? My response?

Well then I wouldn’t have been the one for him.

I believe God has someone for each and everyone of us, and that they should love us and accept us for who we are. They should celebrate our differences, and though we may not agree on everything, respect us. We shouldn’t have to change the beliefs that are deeply rooted in us to appease a relationship. I think that’s what is wrong with so many relationships today. We twist, turn, and change so much to accommodate others, but do we do the same for ourselves?

It’s time to expect more, and get the same in return.

Until Next Time, Much Love, Mrs. SPJ 🙂

My Random Tidbit

28 Sep

What can I say?
This week seemed to go by so fast.
A lot happened at work..
I mean, one day I had a director, the next I didn’t.
Then one of my co workers said her final goodbyes..
Check out this rad away gift my co worker Melody put together for her:

I think it’s totally amazing. It’s a “Garden” of love. On the back we all wrote our own sentiments to our lovely Jenny…

I’m going to miss her… But you know, after a week I’ve had, I can tell you,
life is so unpredictable. Things happen, people come, they go, and well life although at times can seem very redundant and as if we are all in this same routine that never ends, life can have it’s hiccups, it’s bumps in the road, and sometimes we can be sent off on a course that is completely unexpected.

So with that, I’m taking every day as a brand new day,
accepting all that comes with it, and all that life has to offer.
God is pretty awesome, so I know that whatever turn, curve, or way he takes me, it’s for a reason that I sometimes don’t discover until much later.

Today, I want to encourage you to embrace everyday and the newness it has to offer. While life can be a routine, be open to changes (don’t worry, i’m telling myself this as well), and enjoy this journey called life….

You’re here for a reason, so why you are on this journey, you might want to figure it out 🙂

Until Next Time, Much Love,

Mrs. SPJ 🙂

 

Jim

10 Apr

Hello Friends!

Well today so far has been a rather quiet day. I’m pretty happy though because today is my day to have dinner with some of the girls from Zumba! Last week it was just me and my friend Tera. Hopefully we will manage to eat something pretty good and healthy! We shall see!

I wanted to mention something today, someone named Jim.
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Now Jim, he isn’t a relative. Nor a friend of the family. To me, he is just Jim. But he seems pretty remarkable to me.

You see, I have always loved sending and receiving packages, and since I moved, I noticed I find myself in the post office quite a bit. Well that’s how I met Jim. He would always share words of wisdom, a laugh, a smile, or whatever he had to share. He had a nice raspy voice and I could hear that when he laughed, it came from deep within his soul. Well on Saturday, I decided to go by the post office to pick up a package, but he wasnt there. I thought it rather odd, because he was ALWAYS there. Well I heard a customer at the desk ask something, then the person behind the desk pointed to a sign that was up. The sign read,

JIM CROSS ARRANGEMENTS: Funeral services will be 9:30 am Monday, April 9, 2012 at Samaritan Hill Baptist Church, 1001 E. 13th Street, North Little Rock. Visitation 5-7 pm Sunday at the church. Interment 12 noon Arkansas State Veteran’s Cemetery. 

You see, I couldn’t recall the name of the man who was always so nice and pleasant with me when I came in, but I just had a strange feeling that I knew who Jim was. I immediately looked it up, and there was his picture.

I just frowned and kinda gasped.

Weird thing is, I hardly knew Jim.

What I did know, is that he was always pleasant, always friendly, always offering advice, and if you were having a bad day, there was no way you were going to leave that post office with a frown on your face. It goes to show you, that simple kindness, a simple smile, and laughter goes a long way. It also showed me what a difference we can make, or what kind of imprint we leave on other people, when we simply treat others with respect and love. You see, you don’t have to know someone personally to have them shed some positive light in your life. I strive to be nice and kind to others everyday, and just hope and pray that I can be that ray of sunshine for someone like Jim was for so many people. I know he treated everyone right and with kindness, and it was in his death, I found out also that he was a pastor. You see, he shared the God in him to every single person that came to that post office for service. I’m sure that people did not always treat him with kindness, but he never let that shake his spirit. Something to think about.

So today, I remember Jim.

I encourage you to be kind to others. To love others. To respect others. Even at times when they don’t do the same in return. I think there is true power in that, and a way to really make a difference.

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.                                  -Romans 12; 9-13

Until Next Time, Much Love, Mrs. SPJ 🙂
Things to Do:
Must add “The Fred Factor” to my list of books to read. My friend Kerri said that the book deals a lot with the importance of being kind to others and making a difference 🙂

Lessons Learned-Exes Are exs for a reason

6 Mar

I’ve learned a lot over the past 3 decades 🙂
I feel like I’ve grown a lot as well.
I’m always sharing my life with you all, but I thought I should share with you some vital lessons I’ve  learned over the years. To start this off, I thought I would talk about the “EX’s” we’ve had in our lives.

You know, there is a lot to be learn in a relationship, and sometimes even more to learn when you get out of a relationship. My dear friend, B.Scott, always says that “Exes are an X for a reason”. I must tell you I couldn’t agree more! I thought this would be a great topic to talk about because some friends of mine back home have talked about their exes and we’ve had discussions on them, and they’ve been very interesting thoughts and statements made when it comes to exes. Let me share with you why I believe exes are an X for a reason.

1. My friends always tell me how their exes treated them like dirt, how they were rude, had an attitude, or just down right abusive. Yet, in still you want to take them back. Why would you ever want to allow someone to treat you like that again? I’m not saying that people can’t change, but the fact that they do doesn’t mean they have to be a part of your life.

2.  Why go back to the past, instead of marching forward to the future? I mean the way I see it, Lot’s wife looked back and became a pillar of salt in the Bible. To me, that’s saying that you sometimes have to move on forward, or you become nothing when you go back or dwell in the past. How do you know that there isn’t something better out there for you?

3. Why would you want to take someone back who obviously decided at one point they didn’t want to be with you anymore? If you let them go, why would you want to go back to something that at one point, you didn’t think would work for you?

Please help me understand. Trust me, I know we’ve all made mistakes time and time again, but the truth of the matter is. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. YOU ARE DESERVING. That’s probably the biggest thing I want you to remember. You Deserve someone who treats you like the princess and queen you are. Someone who WILL NOT call you out of your name. Someone who will not hurt you, and Someone who will discover new reasons everyday why they love you and want to be with you (not just simply a way to get out).

I know it’s easier said than done TRUST ME, I’ve been there. But one day, you will wake up, and realize, you deserve WAY MORE and you need someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are.

I’ve been wanting to write this post for awhile because I have a very dear friend who just recently got back into a relationship with someone who was very abusive. I also have a friend back in NC considering getting back with someone and it bothers me from time to time. I know it sucks being lonely, but I always tell people, you have to give God the time to write your love story. It’s not in OUR time but HIS time. Just trust in him, keep the faith, pray, and your true heart’s desire will come true…..

Remember, YOU DESERVE IT.

Until Next Time, Mrs. SPJ 🙂

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