My Biggest Enemy

22 May

It’s not a giant.
It’s not some person I simply disagree with.
It’s not even myself.
In fact it goes even deeper than that.
My biggest enemy is…

Not this girl pictured, but the state of emotion she is currently in.
I wouldn’t say that I’m a scary person (ok maybe just a lil bit),
but I fear a lot of things.

I fear waterbugs.
I fear tornadoes.
I fear pitch darkness.
I fear losing those I love.
I fear really scary roller coasters (Hence, the Texas Giant).
I fear life.

In a sense at least. It seems that I tend to allow fear to control so much of my life, and everyday I try to work harder in getting over my fears.

For instance, I try harder to get close to waterbugs without having an anxiety attack. My hubby keeps saying, they are just bugs but somehow in my mind, I’m convinced they are these large monsters out to eat me alive.

Tornadoes, I’m learning are a part of living in AR. I’ve managed to not go crazy when I hear those sirens go off.
(Something completely new to me when I moved here)

I sleep in the darkness. The darkness is still. There is an akward peace to find there.

I’m also learning to find the tiny glimpses of light that peak through the darkness.

Losing those you love is a part of life. I know it’s something you can’t fear, and knowing that there is a really cool guy upstairs taking care of us all, kind of makes it easier 🙂

Scary rollercoasters? Well at least I have actually been on a few of them. I don’t know if I’ve necessarily conquered this fear, but it’s something in life I don’t HAVE to do. And thats OK.

Life. I don’t necessarily fear all of life, but sometimes I fear so much it seems like I am afraid of everything. I have got to do better about this. I know that God wouldn’t give me anything that I couldn’t handle, but the thought of conquering some things makes me quiver.

I read a really great article on fear once, that talked about how Fear is good and  feeling fear is okay: 9.Fear from the Healing Eagle

However,  Fear cannot control us.
It can’t control all the decisions we make, why we choose to do things or not.
It can’t have us constantly looking over our backs or avoiding things that may be the best thing to ever happen to us.

I challenge you to conquer your fears. To meet them head on, and to not let them consume you. It’s something I’m determined to not let take over my life.

Today, I stand firm, and my thoughts of fear can best be addressed in this simple quote:

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

Frank Herbert
Until Next Time Much Love,  Mrs. SPJ 🙂

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